chemistry ~ part three

It is June 28th, 2022. A new moon. thinking about how new can be sudden, abrupt, and new can be gradual, transition. this new sits in my gut. with rough edges but soft. unfathomable without presence and embrace. mornings lately, I reawaken empty and I try to nourish myself through missing you

I miss feeling you. gentle touch and gentle love

I realize that in my last post, I asked questions that posed to find reason, have answers, a source to blame. kindness to ourselves recalls that it took us two. it took us two to evolve our relationship to where it is now. also, the last song I added to our playlist, “In Your Arms” by Chef’Special, makes me think of the early days when my love blossomed for you. like orange trees in the spring (IE citrus only). our playlist brings me a lot of joy. our playlist is our truth

I’ve been thinking a lot about chemistry. we’d talk about the balance we brought to each other. we exist as our own, with our own reaction to elements

what if there are particulates? an unfamiliar synthesis? or a displacement? compounds that can take days, months, or decades to dissolve, become soluble. how do we love through it all?

I spoke to you twice since I’ve been back. hearing your voice brought me great comfort. love is weird. love is wild. and sometimes I laugh because we speak on our love like we’ve known each other our whole lives. in a way I don’t think that’s far fetched. we recognize our love is expansive, unending

both ancient and contemporary

we engaged on the fact of us talking and whether or not it is “beneficial” or “sustainable” during this time and for our healing. I realized after our conversation, we’ve always followed what felt right. it felt right to meet you. it felt right to begin to love you

it feels right

writing out these thoughts helps me grieve, helps me love

love myself, love my family, love my friends, love you

love the summer sweat and breeze

love what we share, though this passage is painful

both exploring love that frees



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