gratitude: a love letter to myself

my younger self would’ve never imagined any of this. I prayed to be in a space to create decisions for myself. no longer be in a space that pulled me down. where myself, fully, was seen. see me for who I am, with everything that has brought me here and all that I have yet to endure, become. I continue to bump to love songs. still dancing through it, with my hips, shoulders, and belly. while life has brought me different challenges, that tested my ability to continue to love, love has always took lead

I want to live a life where love leads. where I am led by love. sometimes it’s difficult for me to sit and also give myself the same love that I cherish with my friendships. ahh, my friends. they’ve kept me warm. I can’t also forget that I am my own best friend, too. my closest friend. when my heart opens, so do my roots. they stretch deep and wide, with soil, rock, all that surrounds. ignited by heat, into water, and up in the air. living and breathing towards love

starting from the inside (as said by Rayvn Lenae and her song “Inside Out”). I am working on centering my peace. that’s the whole point of this. I don’t have energy to exert so I can hopefully be understood, be respected. my soul deserves enrichment and a soothing love. understanding and growth

being closer to the ocean this summer has been a hug from a relative that I’ve missed. tears just below the surface, patching over cracks. kisses on a bandage from a loved one

it feels weird to let go of something you didn’t really want to. noticing a bond that grew its own branches, took form on a different tree. I feel like I am half. only half-way towards acceptance, peace, and release. the other half still holding onto a love that took a different shape. maybe there’s fear in there. sadness for sure. I need to be watered

this is a love letter to myself. I look forward to looking back at this moment and seeing how much has changed. these past few months have been a roller coaster. a new chapter in this journey and my favorite season (summer) is flying by. trying to prepare for my last year of graduate school, in a new space and program too. I have to give myself more credit for voicing and moving towards a direction that brings me closer to that peace. closer to the love that rings in my bones

some things I look forward to:

  • spoken word events here in San Diego
  • Oceania research working group
  • the progression of the oral storytelling project (so so grateful)
  • working with my thesis committee (all badass feminist scholars)
  • moving my body more, breathing more
  • catching up with dear friends
  • finishing grad school!!
  • living in a space where I can freely walk nude
  • love

more things for pleasure:

  • meeting new people
  • dancing
  • playing music
  • listening to music
  • reading by the ocean
  • spaces to write with community
  • plantain chips
  • smoothies
  • openness to love

I am kind

I am worthy

I am smart

I am beautiful

I trust myself

I value myself

I honor myself

I love myself

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